Love is a Two-way Street

"Why not?” he said as he looked at me with a smirk plastered on his face. I looked outside the window. I felt my heart twist as I saw couples walking back and forth, families talking and children playing together on their lawns while I was stuck here.

“You’re lonely aren’t you?” he whispered in my ear. Date you only for the sake of alleviating my own loneliness?

“And what’s in it for you?” I growled, knowing his tricks.

“Nothing,” he simply stated. I expected him to dart his eyes away or something, but he showed absolutely no signs of lying. Did he want my money? To humiliate me? I bit my lip, as I did often when I was unsure of what to do, and suddenly, without a thought, I gave him my answer.

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I could hear feet shuffling into the corridors of the church. The ceremony was to start soon. I looked at myself in the mirror, surprised at the sight.

“You look beautiful,” my mother squealed as she hugged me from behind. I wanted to thank her, but I couldn’t get it out of my throat. I wonder if she was surprised as I was that this day had actually come.

I always had trouble establishing relationships. None of the very few I had lasted very long, and when they each left me they each said the same thing. You are always so cold.

My mother broke away from me before I could hug her back. She probably wasn’t even expecting one from me. She clasped her hands together in delight.

“You should go now,” she said and extended her hand to help me up. I stood without taking it and she pulled back, obviously upset, but she quickly dismissed the feeling due to the joyous event.

“You still haven’t changed,” she said before giving me a small smile. Her words stung me a bit. She left the room, closing the door behind her as she went. I stood in the room alone, half expecting her to come back, but she didn’t.

Soon, I could see the aisle extending before me. I could feel the butterflies fluttering around in my stomach. The aisle appeared longer than it originally looked. The wedding march began to play as we slowly approached the altar. I could see him standing there with a false warmness in his eyes that others mistaken for love.

This is the last chance. I thought as I approached towards the man that I was about to call my husband. The ceremony began. The words went in one ear and out the other. My thoughts scrabbled around in my mind.

You can still break free, leave him. I looked into his eyes; they seemed to be mocking me. How long had we been dating? Four, five, six months? Had we really been at this for half a year? I bit my lip.

“I do.” His words flew out his mouth so calmly. They snapped me out of my trance. I could feel everybody’s eyes on me, looking at me, expecting me to say those two words. I don’t.

I expected my words to come out shakily, but they came out just as calm as his did. “I do.”

“I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride.”

He leaned in to kiss me. I hoped there was warmth in it, but his lips were like ice. I kissed him back with a similar coldness, but others didn’t see what we felt. From the outside, they only saw two people in love.

A month had passed. Everyday was the same. I would pack his lunch in the morning. He would come downstairs, take a few bites of his breakfast, grab his lunch and leave. No kiss, no “have a good day honey”, no anything. I would then proceed to clean the kitchen and go to work. We both came home around the same time in the evening, eat a silent dinner, have our alone time, and then off to bed without much of a single word.

Everyday I wished he would come and hug me from behind or ask me how my day was.

Our backs faced each other in the emptiness of the night. Tick tock. Tick tock. The sounds of the night were the only things keeping the room from being completely silent. I knew he wasn’t asleep because I could feel his slight movements. When he was asleep, he was completely still, like a stone.

“Why did you marry me?” I quickly pulled the blanket over my mouth, immediately regretting these words that come out of my mouth.

“Why not?” he chuckled. I hated how everything was a joke to him.

“I’m serious,” I replied sternly. There was a moment of silence. I thought he fell asleep on me until:

“I guess because I saw myself in you.”

“What?” I asked, thinking I heard wrong.

“What do you want most in the world?” he asked, sitting up from his bed. Love, affection, warmth.

He leaned over, his lips barely an inch away from my eye. “We’re the same, aren’t we? We only wish to take things from people,” he whispered. His words revolved around my head as he fell back onto his pillow. Is this how I am? Always wishing for love, but giving everyone the cold shoulder?

He seemed to have read my mind, because he kept talking. “Love is not a one way street.” I waited for him to continue, but I only heard the sounds of the night.

“This isn’t going to work out, is it?” I asked, biting my lip.

“You tell me.” I waited for more, but there was only silence. I sat up in bed and turned the lamp on. He had fallen asleep on me. For the first time, however, I noticed how different he looked in his sleep. I smiled before brushing my hand lightly across his cheek, pushing a strand out of his face.

I leaned over and gave him a soft kiss on his cheek. I then turned the lamp off, facing away from him as placed my head on my pillow. Right before I closed my eyes, I could have swore I saw his lips curl into a light smile.