Narration of the still-face experiment.
She had my arms around her shoulder, supporting my weight by leaning slightly to the side. This was always how she carried me. I liked it.
A man led us to the room. Almost everything was white: the walls, the ceilings, the window blinds, even the men were dressed in white coats. They had black boxes pointing at her and I, with a square tube that jutted out towards us – it was shiny.
She talked with the man for a bit before putting me in the chair, and then she began playing with me.
[Cick Read More to continue...]
“I love my good girl!” She smiled warmly, tugging playfully at my feet towards her cheeks. “Awww” she grasped my hands, shaking them back and forth as I lean back to laugh. This was how we always start our play dates. I liked it.
At first it was hard to focus on her – she was so enthusiastic, so engaging, I knew this was a rare moment – yet I could not look away from the black boxes. Why are they here? What are they doing? Does she not see them? I pointed at the strange apparatuses, and she acknowledged them, but she looked away… I thought it meant everything was fine, that the boxes were harmless.
We played for quite a while – tickling, shaking my hands, pressing her nose against mine. “T-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t,” as she poked her way from my feet to my face. “Look up! Look who’s coming!” she smiled as she moved closer and closer to kiss me. I was reaching out towards her, giggling with joy, when she suddenly stopped.
She just stopped. No laughing, no movement, her face just froze.
At first I was startled. What’s going on? Why did you stop? My eyes widened, my back straightened, I leaned out towards her. Nothing. I smiled at her. Nothing. I pointed around the room. Nothing. “Ta!” Nothing.
I began to worry. With both my hands up, I tried to grasp my way through the air towards her. I whimpered to her, I cried out to her, I screamed, but still she did not respond.
[This story is basically my narration of this video.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=apzXGEbZht0 ]
This is the story of boy meets girl...
Planning stages:
Boy/ Girl
Before Self destructive, uncaring, “frat boy” /Always dreaming about the perfect guy
During Driven crazy by love, controlling, depressed /Madame Bovary selfish, always wanting things to be perfect, but always dissatisfied
After Loss of emotions/ She becomes an actress
Past Relationships First time/Multiple bad relationships, abusive, etc.
History Trophy child, parents enrolled him into sports at a young age and bribed a good college into accepting him /She was overpraised by her parents when she was little, leading her to believe she was the perfect child
Appearance
POV Everything is perfect/ Everything is imperfect
Michael took an entire month to prepare for the proposal: an hour to make the reservations, two to pick the engagement ring, and the rest to spend in complete terror. The lucky girl, Stephanie, was bracing herself as well: thirty-days of contemplation, three seconds to say the words-
I want to break up
The boy, Michael Fitzgerald, was in his third year of college studying Psychology, yet his studies could not
[Lol, this was a study of tone I did. I really like the way the narrator was in 500 days of summer, so I tried to recreate it here]
Unnamed story
The record player was marked with age: the gold paint chipped off the blooming speakers, crackes seeped through its wooden frames, and the entire antique was wrapped in a blanket of silky dust. Myra was relieved. With darkness all aoround her, it was comforting to find a presence other than her own. Slowly grasping the player's handle, she gently turned its lever, fearful of harming her newfound companion. The voices began:
"... is it our fault? Do you think we were bad parents?" The sound brought Myra to tears; feelings of regret came over her, yet she could not tell whose voice it was. How long had she been in the darkness? A day? A week? A month? She could not tell. The rhythmic beating of the turning lever played on.
The question went unanswered. For a while, the palyer whispered nothing but soft static.
"The company sent me their final warning today... Sara, its been four months, my insurance plan can't afford any more off days like this. We have to decide now."
"I-I don't know."
Another pause. The voices
[Sigh, the more I write, the more I realize just how much I like yet HAAAAATE writing. That said, I really do want to get better... except that I can never bring myself to finish my stories. I know it's unfair to you guys to work so hard and put your stories up while I sit on my lazy butt, so I guess that's what this post is for. This is the work I put this week into my writing. I know none of them are completed stories, but since the whole goal of this blog is to get better, I figured this was better than putting up nothing at all... or being late and punished with cruelty...]
You know, technically the honor code never said we had to post COMPLETED short stories...
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9 comments:
I'ma keel you, boy.
I LIKE YOUR STYLE OF WRITING.
But your story is very incomplete. Therefore, you suck.
Nowhere does it say that you can post a draft either >:
Ahahahahaha, don't worry, I've already killed myself...
... Cindy, your pity hurts me...
I LIKE YOUR STYLE OF WRITING.
But your [stories are] very incomplete. Therefore, you suck.
[Sigh, the more I write, the more I realize just how much I like yet HAAAAATE writing.]
>:D
All I can say, dude, is that you learn to write by writing! And by not completing these stories, you're stripping yourself of that opportunity!
I remember Mrs. Wilson would always tell us, if anything else, we must conclude our timed writings. Even if you have a forced ending, at least an ending exists! Else, it's not really a story. It's a... not story.
Aaand as Parham says, something is better than nothing! You can edit a finished first draft into a novel, but you can't magic three chapters into a book.
Outlines are good for direction, but an author I admire advises to: "Formulate a strict outline, then abandon it halfway."
Or... writing needs spontaneity and direction, both.
And I know that Cindy and I are bullying you right now, but we really do like your writing =) And our real disappointment is that you didn't share with us this week and instead ran to a loophole >:
I suppose if you really wanted to make it up to us, you could finish one of these stories before the end of the month. *coughcoughhinthint*
I am disappoint. :'( I was hoping the narrator in first half-story was an instrument, or box, or some sort of inanimate object XD
Like the others said, your writing is really very good! Though I understand how difficult it is to write and complete a story, especially under the circumstances we have. I have difficulty doing that too, hahahaha.
I often end up doing what you do! Just outlining ideas of stories, coming up with certain scenes I want to see... The hard part is building around it, right? But I think that's how you can make it easiest too. If you have a starting point, an ending point, and a middle point of something you want to see, all you have to do is first figure out: how do I get to the midpoint? What makes it happen? And then, how do I get from the midpoint to the ultimate conclusion/result I want to see? What makes that happen?
I know it's tough, but you've got the skills to do it! :) .. Hope to see something else from you soon!
Also, liked the idea for the still-face experiment! Especially since I'm an Early Childhood major and it's kinda one of my things, hahahaha. ;P ... Very interesting concept.
I think, though, that some of the ways you expressed the baby's emotions was a little too complex. Then again, we don't really know what babies think, do we? Haha.
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